(Shared on World Suicide Prevention Day)
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day – a day that raises awareness of mental health struggles and reminds us all that even in our darkest moments, there is hope.
For me, this feels deeply personal. Because in my darkest chapter, I too had suicidal thoughts. I didn’t want to live. I felt broken, insignificant, and unlovable.
This summer has been a season of growth for me – not just in my work, but within myself. As I’ve been building the Thrive Tribe and supporting others in their wellness journeys, I’ve also been facing some truths about my own.
What’s surfaced has surprised me. Old, hidden beliefs I didn’t even know were still there have bubbled up, reminding me how powerful our inner stories can be.
One of the strongest beliefs I’ve carried for most of my life is this: “I don’t matter.”
This belief fed into my suicidal thoughts later in life, because when you truly believe you don’t matter, life feels insignificant. You convince yourself nobody would care, or even notice if you weren’t here. And yet, looking back, I see how untrue that was. If you’ve ever had those thoughts, please hear this: they are not true. Step in, pause, and choose a kinder, more loving thought.
Another piece of this has been about being a “good” person. From a young age, I was respectful, kind, and well-behaved. I tried hard, cared about others, and wanted to do my best. But instead of being valued for those qualities, I was often ridiculed for them. I was called a swot, a nerd, “stuck up” and “boring.” The message I absorbed was that being good, kind, or well-mannered somehow made me less.
Because of those comments and how I took them to heart – I stopped liking myself. I felt ashamed of who I was. I believed there was something wrong with me for simply trying to do the right thing.
These beliefs – not mattering, feeling insignificant, and being ashamed of myself – shaped so much of how I saw the world and the decisions I made. Looking back, I can see how they set the stage for the darkest moment of my life. The challenges I faced would have been easier to navigate if I had been standing on a kinder, stronger foundation.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned: our hidden beliefs don’t have to define us forever.
Becoming aware of them is the first step to healing. When we shine a light on the stories we’ve been telling ourselves for years, we can start to gently question them. Are they really true? Or are they simply old echoes from a time when we didn’t know any better?
I’m learning to embrace my kindness as a strength, not a weakness. I’m learning that being respectful and caring doesn’t make me boring, it makes me someone who can be trusted and who brings light into other people’s lives. And most importantly, I’m slowly rewriting that old belief: I do matter. I always did.
And so do you. You matter. Always.
If my story resonates with you, please know this: you are not alone. So many people are struggling, or have struggled, and there is help out there.
Please reach out – because your life is precious, and you matter more than you know.
📞 If you need support in the UK:
- Samaritans — call 116 123 (free, 24/7)
- Text “SHOUT” to 85258 for free, confidential crisis support
- Or contact your GP or another trusted health professional